Mother's Day is a noble attempt to honor the woman in our life that birthed us and raised us.
My mother was only 21 when I was born - she dedicated herself to me and my sister. I don't have one single memory of an important event in my life where she was not there - cheering me on.
I carry her voice in my head and heart everyday of my life. I am so thankful that she taught me the ways of the Father and pushed me to be my very best.
This day also makes me think of my grandmothers - Evelyn Elizabeth Holley and Margaret Pauline Tigner.
Grandma Holley is in heaven - I remember her wide toothless smile and her deep brown eyes. My Grandma Holley was a God-fearing woman - she spent much of her life in a chair - praying and loving from that space. She took joy in small things. She died the year I became a mother. She never had the chance to meet her grandsons - but I know that she would be so tickled by them.
On October 3, 2003, I became mom to a head strong four year old boy, Christian Lee Howard. To say that I was terrified is an understatement. I had never cared for anything other than a cat, and now I had a real live flesh and blood son. No pregnancy or baby shower - no labor and delivery -- just POW and I was a mother. Somewhere inside myself I knew that this would be my life's greatest challenge.
My heart aches when I think of all the mis-steps and wrong turns I have taken as a mother. I had this dream of cuddle time and long hugs - reading while on a blanket in the backyard and just blissful, peaceful love. Reality was screaming fits, lots of mud, and stark naked fear. Christian and I have a strong bond - but it is much different than I would have expected. It has been forged in a war for control. My boy is not only head strong - but brilliant and catches on at lightening speed. We fought for control over meal time, nap time, bath time, toilet training, and school. Every time I thought I would lose my mind - the Lord would help to see that my chubby faced - brown eyed boy was just making sure he was safe.
Getting a new mother at 4 must have been so difficult for him. But we didn't give up. He will be 13 in about 3 months and I am so proud of the young man he has become. I realize that he is more like me than I would like to admit. Strong willed, immovable - He brought me flowers yesterday in his shy way. I wrapped my arms around my stubborn boy and squeezed. I realize that I loved him - more than ever.
I realize that motherhood is a commitment that has no end...that I have learned to love another woman's child as my own flesh and blood - and that this is made possible only through the Father's love for me.
Just when I think my patience will wear out and I will really lose my mind this time - there is grace from above and unspeakable love from the depths of me that urges me onward. Not a mushy gushy love - but a strength that the Lord gives to love completely even in the midst of whatever battle we are fighting.
You see, Christian was dedicated to the Father when he was a young child - he has a life purpose to further His Kingdom. Christian is already advancing the Father's love - you should see my boy minister and love our homeless friends...give up his extra pillow or back pack to one that doesn't have anything. I will continue to wage this war for my son's soul. The evil one tried to take out my boy through abuse and abandonment - but I will not allow this to be his heritage or to determine his future.
On this Mother's Day - I want to thank God for my strong-willed son and praise Him that he trusted me enough to be his mother. I send prayers to all the adoptive moms and step-moms that engage in the same struggle - know that you are not alone - and you are doing the Father's work - every time you hold your child and don't give up - you are the hands and feet of God.
Love to you all.
--Liz
